!!!أنوثة...عيب

!!!أنوثة...عيب

يعلمونا في بيوتنا معنى أن تكوني فتاة يجب أن تتمع بالجمال، الرقة،الاهتمام بالنفس والمظهر، وأهمها "الأنوثة". فيجب على الفتاة أن تتمع بالأنوثة....ولكن!!!

عندما كبرنا قليلا وأصبحنا نتمسك بكل هذه الصفات والسمات التي حددت ورسمت لنا، وجدنا حقيقة أخرى تمحي كل ما تعملناه في صغرنا. فوجدنا الفتاة التي تتمع بالجمال والرقة "قليلة الأدب" والفتاة التي تهتم بنفسها ومظهرها "أكيد بتعمل كدة علشان الولاد" وأخيرا تلك التي تتمتع بما يسمى الأنوثة "مش متربية ومش محترمة". وجب على الفتاة أن تتمتع بالأنوثة وتحبسها داخل منزلها. وجب على الفتاة أن تعيش "كالرجل" لكي تجد مكان لها ولكي تدافع عن نفسها. فعندما تجد فتاة جريئة تعرف كيف تدافع عن حقها يقولون "بنت بألف راجل" وكأن تعريف الكائن البشري الناجح ملخص في كلمة "رجل".

عندما كبرنا، أقنعونا أن الأنوثة في الملابس الكاشفة، الشفافة التي تظهر أكثر مما تخبئ. وعلمونا أن ملابس الفتاة مهما كان شكلها، حشمتها، طولها أو قصرها ستظل عيبا ومنتقدة.

اعتدنا أن نتعلم الشيئ وضده، لأنهم يستخدمونه فترة، وضده فترة أخرى بما يناسب "موقفهم". اعتدنا أن نتعلم القيم والمبادئ وغيرها الكثير من المسميات التي يحظر استخدامها عندما يكون الموقف ضدهم. اعتدنا أشياء كثيرة لم يجب علينا اعتيادها.

ماذا أقول؟! نعم...أنوثة

عندما أرى بعض الصور مثل "هيفاء وهبي وصور متفجرة الأنوثة" وبجانبها "للكبار فقط" لا أستطيع استيعاب معنى كلمة "أنوثة" في هذا السياق!!

وعندما أسمع الكلام الذي يقال على بعض الفتيات التي تتمتع بما يسمى "أنوثة" من مسميات سيئة و إهانات قبيحة أفكر في معنى هذه المعاني والكلمات. رما نحن تعلمنا المعنى الخطأ للكلمة ولم نفهم المعنى الحقيقي المقصود؟!! ولكن...!!!

عندما ترى إلى الفتيات الاتي تحب لعب كرة القدم، أو لا تبتسم في الشارع خوفا من "التحرش" أو ما يسميه المجتمع "معاكسة بريئة" وتسمع ما يقال عنها ولها من "خليكي بنوتة شوية" أو "مافهاش أنوثة خالص، عاملة زي الرجالة". أرى وأفهم المعنى الحقيقي للمجتمع المنافق صاحب ازدواجية المعايير.

فإنهم يستخدمون الكلمة والمعنى وكل شيء بما يخدم موقفهم وأفكارهم. وبالطبع تختلف تلك الأحكام والتعليقات باختلاف جنس الشخص (ذكر أو أنثى)، باختلاف مصلحة الشخص، وباختلاف موضع النفاق.

عندما قالوا لنا، المرأة نصف المجتمع، نسوا أن يعلمونا أن المرأة ما هي إلا هم وعار بالنسبة لهم. وأنها في تعريفهم "نصف المجتمع" التي تلد وتتكاثر لتجلب النصف الآخر لا غير.

 

فكفى أشعارا، أقوالا وشعارات نهايتها المقابر عندما تفكر أن تثور.

fear of similarities and tragic events!

I have so many thoughts and things i want to talk about, but for some reason the words are too shy to be written.

Washington DC, one of the most amazing places i have been to. it is the city i would really love to live in

back to the point, during my trip i went to the Holocaust Museum. yes, tragic

what made it more tragic and more sad and horrifying for me that somehow in someway i find some similarities to the process that allowed the holocaust to happen in some countries and sadly i will say in Egypt to.
reading all of these information, explanations and justifications for what was happening drove my mind into one direction.......EGYPT....
what can i say, the dictatorship, the civil obedience, the acceptance of the death and torture of "the others" and the inhumane concept people have nowadays about the superiority of some group over the others. the problem is not only political as in governments and so on of what we always cling to in explaining our social failure and degradation. the disastrous problem is our social failure that leads us to the worst by everyday that passes. glorifying a "hero" as the ultimate leader and savior drag us to the bottom of deterioration, immorality and corruption. you ca not offer someone an unlimited power and control with the expectation of respecting some "limits" that does not even exist.
moving from that, i no longer believe in trying i only believe in succeeding! no blame for that, all what we tried turned into a big failure or worst to be steps back.

some might find it EXTREME to think like that, but to be honest with ourselves, nothing is born extreme, it always starts normal and by the "will" of the people it turns into the extreme.

so, how Hitler became from an army guy into that heartless narcissist dictator? He was a normal guy that served in the WW1 and was not recognized as a special person, but he started to grab attention as a charismatic speaker and leader. they he became the leader of the NAZI's party and so on. i do not want to give a history lesson. (for more info. about the rise of Hitler to power click here) but just to start comparing how people rise to power or most importantly how they turn people into believing their ideologies and create what is called of "civil obedience".
what i am talking about is not about a specific party in Egypt but will give to different examples that we can project on.
Muslim Brotherhood or El-Sisi supporters are going through the same process of brain-washing or at least we can call it hypnotizing. first, you HAVE to be in one of the groups, if you hate MB so you are definitely a Sisi supporter or a military supporter in another word. and of course if you are against the military rulling the country so you are definiltly "3ameel w 3iz tkhreb el balad" and one of the MB that wants to destroy the country.
in my humble opinion, i hate both. i do not belong to any of them and will not ever belong to one group. both leaders of the two groups managed successfully in creating a hatred and antagonism between the people and labeling every individual the way they want to. and here we are A TOTAL MESS.
Isn't it weird how people can see the death of other people as "deserved" or "justified" because they are not one of them !
when the death of people does not unite us against who killed them but the opposite (we take the killers side) "khlina nkhls mnhom, ysthlo elly bi7slhom" so we are in a very big serious problem.
 i would love to mention this saying for Niemöller

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out-- 
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out-- 
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me--and there was no one left to speak for me.

i do not know why we can not learn from the history and the abuses, holocausts and genocides that happened in the past because of the people themselves not because of the leaders.
we really need to change.
is it possible for such awful thing to happen again?
is it possible to happen in Egypt?

i do not think it is hard to happen as long as people are selfish, racist, sexist and all other kinds of traits that lead to every violation of human rights and social norms.

new eyes, abandon

      The vision changed, the colures changed, the eyes changes!! but...there is this picture, that is stuck in the memory of her old eyes. it keeps resisting the change, the transformation. she is suffering within her soul. searching for the lost truth about her true identity. she is lost in the journey of understanding that messed up world she is living in.

who is fault is this!! the ones who destroyed it? the ones who took away her eyes!

deep inside, she was happy that she lost that vision that distorted her mind and shattered her heart for a long time and consumed her life. she is a rebel! she broke the present, changed it and created new future.

I do not know why I am writing that. now I change my life, traveled away but how your life keeps haunting you is very exhausting. it seems that we wont be relieved until our soul finds its new home.
she is a little girl that ran away from a life to a new one. she will keep running, not out of fear but out of boredom and disappointment. she open the door she hide and her bed, she entered into a world full of fairytales and magic. she met her best friend, a colorful unicorn that looks exactly as the magical one her mom used to describe in her bed to fall asleep.

going back to now, what is a best explanation for me?! there is this overwhelming feeling of sadness, disappointment and failure. truly, it has no source, I mean I cant find a solid reason behind this.

the little girl decided to love Peter Pan and decided to fly away with him. she remembered his words in his movie saying “Dreams do come true, if only we wish hard enough. You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it.”
she closed her eyes very tightly, not allowing any sunlight to enter them, as it will ruin her dream. she smiled and traveled across the different worlds she kept in her small pocket.

I learned a lot, I changed a lot. I kept many black dots in my white memory. yes, I lost my memory, maybe my eyes were my memory! maybe they contained everything I lived. of, that is why I removed them, replaced them to have a new start, a new life.


she kept closing her eyes, dreaming. she sang every song has been ever created. she played every note a musician has ever imagined. nop. its not done yet, I still have more, there is more to live, more to go through.

the dr. told me that the surgery went well. I am not longer having my black eyes. I asked him, what is my eyes color?  he said: its your destiny to color them!
I did not understand his words, I thought he is joking or just flirting with my new eyes. it turned our to be true, my eyes are transparent! you can see the whole world through them!


she felt her  heart hurts, she opened her eyes suddenly! she looked in the mirror, she saw a big girl, or woman looking back at her. she did not know what to say. she took couple of minutes thinking and closing her eyes then open them. she kept saying that strange girl, she said: excuse me miss, who are you?!


Oh My God, Ya Allah
I have a hole in my head! an empty brain! I cant remember how to see. I can not remember who I am.
save me!! the only thing in my mind is this old song that was created for black eyes. I lost my black eyes! they are gone, with all I have of memories, vision and life.


she laughed and said. oh, you are very cute. you changed a lot when you grew up. then she pinched her in her cheek and said: wake up, you are not a young girl anymore, forget these dreams!
the young girl kept listening, watching and observing the terrifying similarities between her and this "miss". it is not me!

can you please give me my black eyes back? he laughed, no, you know the deal! your eyes were dead the moment you gave up on them. your body refused every colorful eyes we tried. it only accepted this one!. you are still young, you will have a plenty of time to color it as you want. I said: NO I want my black eyes back!. he said: you can find them in that  empty museum in the end of that small village. but, it is dead. focus on what you have and forget about your past. just let it go!

she grew up, she was shocked as this is not what Peter Pan promised her. he told her that they will spent their life together, as young kids. he left her, she grew up! he abandoned her and took the whole childish world for himself. she grew up!   

موت من حبيب

موت من حبيب 

تعذبني باشتياقي إليك

وكأن حياتي مصممة إليك

فمنك هربت وعدت إليك

فأنت مصيري وأنت الأمل

قتلني حبك ولكن بغير

سيوف، خناجر أو أي نصل

فيكفي بكسر القلوب نموت

ويكفي بغير الأحبة نضيع

فمن غير حب تضيع المعاني

تموت المشاعر في داخلي

موسيقى الحياة

موسيقى الحياة

بعض أنواع الموسيقى تعزف عل أوتار المشاعر

لتنتج صوتًا يملؤه الحزن

فإذا ذهب هذا الحزن

تظل الموسيقى غير مسموعة

يذهب صوتها إلى مكان أخر

يبحث فيه عن مصدر حزن وألم

فإذا لم يجد

فإذا به يؤلف معزوفته الثانية

التي، أيضًا حزينة

ولكن بابتسامة خفية

تخدع من يراها

ولكنها لا تخدع من يسمعها ويحسها

فليس دائمًا ترى أعيننا الحقيقة

فقد تكون الحقيقة هي أصل الكذب

وقد يكون الخداع هو أصل الحقيقة

ولكن....

إلى أين تذهب ألحان المآسي؟؟؟

إلى أين تذهب نغمات الأسى؟؟

أم أن قيثارة المشاعر كسرت

قد تكون...أو لم تكن موجودة

هل تظل الأوتار تعمل بعد انكسار الآلة؟

هل سنسمع صوت بكائها

حتى ولو لم نر الدموع؟؟

كيف لا؟!! . فدموع القلب لا ترى

ولكن بكاء المشاعر يحفر في القلوب

هل نحن حقًا في عالم يقدر للمشاعر دور

هل هو عالم يفرق بين الحزن والفرح

هل هو عالم به أناس ما زالوا أحياء

ربما هو عالم موجود،،،،ولكنه خال من الحياة

خال من أناس كانوا يومًا

يملكون قلوبًا تنبض

أصبحت الآن أوان فارغة

أو ربما هياكل بالية

فإلى من نوجه اللووم؟؟

أإلى شخص معين؟؟؟

أم إلى الحياة نفسها؟؟؟

هل حقًا للحياة دور؟؟؟

أم أنها ما نعلق عليه أخطاءنا

ونبرر به فضائحنا

حقيقة

ما عدت أشعر برغبة للمعرفة

فعدم المعرفة ربما يكون رحمة

وربما يكون جحيم

ولكن....في هذا الوقت

سأكتفي بالسؤال

وستأتيني الإجابة ممن حولي

فهذه هي الحياة

تثبت وجهة نظر